“There are two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots. The other is wings.” ~Hodding Carter, Jr.
Too often, as we talk with my father about his young adult life we tend to pick out the stories to share where he was the most mischevous; or make light of the difficult choices he made based as a hunter, sportsman and Navy veteran.
He was a hard man as a young man, he had learned early on about sacrifices by having to endure The Great Depression and serving in the Philipines during World War II. Those things alone change a person, they make the weak stronger and turn the strong into survivors.
But I prefer the stories we rarely speak of regarding my Father and his past. How his hand fit over mine in church and his colossal thumb alone could fill my entire palm. When he would place those hands locked on his lap and twiddle one thumb over the other while the preacher led us through his sermon. That simple gesture would captivate me. Sometimes I would hold his hand over my own just to watch mine disappear.
In fact, his hands could still cover mine today.
I have been so blessed with this wonderful father of mine. When he would go bowling, he took me with him. I sat quietly sipping a cherry coke while he and his G.E. teammates would go through frame after frame of practice. He made me feel important because he took me on his errands and I repaid him by being well behaved, so I could keep going. My father had one rule- behave or be left. So I learned early on how to sit quietly when I needed to and it would get me out of the house for a while on Saturday mornings. I would hear kids at school talk about how their father could beat up other kids fathers and I would just smile, because I knew my father was a giant.
In an era where society is trying to proclaim to the world that fathers are nearly obsolete, I would like to exclaim the opposite. Good fathers are integral in forming good human beings. They are needed for sons and daughters to grow up and be well rounded individuals. Good Fathers should be appreciated and not thought of as just sidekicks to mothers. Responsible fathers are equal in partnership as part of the parenting unit and they matter. In fact, because of the upbringing I had, I knew how to find a great man in my life, as an adult.
My father matters to me.
I know that my husband matters to my children.
Lately, so many times on television, I see fathers portrayed as fools, idiots and dead beats. While there may be a few of them out there, there are far more good men that are doing the right things; Getting up every day and taking care of their families, just by being out the door before them and heading to work. I see a lot of media attention directed toward women and their roles in parenting and not much attention given to hard working fathers anymore; I say this even though I am a woman myself, a mother of three and can barely find time to get my socks matched in the morning, but I think it’s time we gave a hand to our counterparts.
Or at least the ones that are giving it their best.
A real man may not eat quiche. But he does change diapers. He washes dishes and he knows the words to “Goodnight Moon” by heart. He knows how to sort the laundry, kill spiders, change lightbulbs, start up the grill and even make a pretty darn good breakfast from pancakes to eggs on the occasional Saturday morning. He mows lawns, teaches kids how to tie their shoes, walks the dog, goes to school conferences, takes his kids fishing (even though he spends all of his time baiting hooks and fetching lines from the underbrush) ; A real man rushes out in the dead of night for Childrens Tylenol and baby formula, goes to the grocery, takes care of three kids when The Mama is in radiation quarantine, gets up, goes to work and does it all again the next day. And my real man does it without even thinking that any of it is optional. He does it because he loves his family.
He does it because he’s a great father.
Parenting is not all sunshine and roses. There are times when I ask myself why I ever volunteered for this chaos…then I realize that I am blessed to be sitting and folding clothes, finding homework packets, searching drawers for pencils and pens, trying to find that signed permission slip and wondering if I ever sent in the field trip money that was supposed to be attached to it.
I know there may be wonderful men out there not doing the things I mentioned above. They may even be terrific fathers because they do other things that mine never did and my husband never does. I only know my own story. To those fathers that stand up for their kids when they are right and stand their ground when they are wrong, I salute you. To those women that get up and do the same, I am proud to be counted among you. To those women that are in circumstances where there is an absent father and they play both roles, keep up the good work. Together we’re all raising some pretty awesome human beings that will be in charge of caring for us, when we no longer can do it for ourselves.
I try to tell myself that on occasion. To remember that “this too shall pass”, as my mother always says when things get too hectic. Because one day the tables are going to be turned and Dave and I will be privileged to see the fantastic “real” men and “real” woman we’ve raised together.
But honestly, just to make sure we’re in good hands, I hope they take after their father.
The View From Here 