Changing Christmas

Most people wouldn’t call diagnosis of the Flu or strep throat a blessing at Christmas but for my family it was.

When I first found out on the Wednesday Prior to Christmas that my husband David had the flu I panicked. Knowing how the flu spreads like wildfire and how precious Christmas time is, my heart began to flutter and I imagined the horrors that would await me, a mother of three, for the next two weeks of the holiday break. In my mind, I could see me running from room to room, feverish and taking care of four helpless souls. Picturing myself as the Martyr in the making and thinking actually only of myself without realizing my selfishness.

So, waking the next morning to a feverish 9 year old didn’t surprise me, but when her symptoms were unlike her fathers, I knew we were dealing with another bird, so off to the doc we went and came home with the diagnosis of Strep throat and the miraculous pink medicinal liquid that would provide her with the cure along with a fresh prescription of Phenergan for her nausea…I had hoped for a Valium sidecar for myself, but was afraid to ask.

These two diagnoses would keep me on the couch for the next 7 nights, but I gained a new appreciation for my bed and for the sanctity of the bedroom. All night I heard the pitter pat of feet that plodded to the bathroom, the doors opening and shutting and the occasional cry from my wee one to give her comfort the first few nights of her sickness.

All these sleepless nights, while planning the  biggest day of the year – Christmas- that would be here in less than two days.

The sterilizing and cleaning that took place just to decontaminate items retrieved from my husband that lay in a fever induced coma on the first floor was staggering. I missed him, I missed his laughter, hugs and his help. And then, in the stillness of my third night on a twin mattress, I looked up at the unlit Christmas tree from the floor and realized that Christmas would come. It would come without the tree, without gifts and without any adornment. Regardless of decorations, best laid plans and Christmas lists, it would inevitably come and I would have to understand that it is more than parties, food and healthy families. It comes to everyone, regardless of circumstance.

I laid there in the dark and let it go. I let go of the worry, the stress and the silly struggles I had placed on myself regarding this most sacred of days and prayed in the night that I would learn to appreciate this Christmas no matter what lay in wait. And my prayer was answered.

I awoke the next morning with a plan only to do what I could. Only to get done what I could and to realize that people are more important than plans or parties, meals or gifts. Of course I already knew this, but I think I had to be reminded that sometimes when life hands you lemons, you can’t even make lemonade…instead you have to toss them out and move on.

So this Christmas, we stayed home. No quick opening of gifts, then rushes to shower before the hot water runs out, no last minute preps for food to carry to my Mothers house to meet family for lunch-we opted out of chaos. Instead we stayed. We lingered in the magic of Christmas morning. We approached it with care and tenderness and it was a blessing.

All of my children managed to avoid the flu, I did too. My husband was nearly recovered by Christmas morning and my daughter was once again her perky self.  Santa had indeed come to the Rigney house and presents were opened patiently and one at a time. My daughters quest was to remain in her pajamas the entire day. She succeeded. Mine was to make a lovely Christmas dinner. I succeeeded. The rest of the family just played, stayed and enjoyed the day.

The magic of Christmas lingered all day in our home. The tree remained bright, presents stayed on the floor and the hearth and children roamed in pajamas and houseshoes throughout the house most of the day. A Christmas meal was made and eaten piping hot, in our own home at our own table.  We gathered, held hands and prayed…together and it was good.

Christmas came to our house. We didn’t have to pack up our things and find Christmas at my mothers house, it was here all along. We had just been too rushed in the past to notice.

So next year, I think we will remain at home again. It took sickness to keep us home, I am so sorry my husband and daughter were ill. If I could have taken it from them I would have gladly shouldered that burden. However, it forced all of us to rethink our Christmas tradition and that was truly the best gift of all.